Love-Knowledge Baby

Asking for help is one of the hardest things for me to do.  In my daily life, I KNOW that there are people who would help me, commiserate with me, and let me talk it out.  I don’t call them.  I don’t ask to hang out, and I just can’t bring myself to do anything remotely close to asking for help.

Some days, I flounder.  Some days, it’s hard to be a mother, an unemployed academic, and a stay-at-home wife.

I suck at chores.  I always have.  My home is almost always a perpetual mess (though it’s been improving by slow degrees over the past years).

I love helping others.  I love volunteering to teach moms and babies how to use slings and carriers.  I love doing random acts of kindness which bewilder even me (like handing out coupons for Victoria’s Secret free panties to strangers at the mall).

I’ve been rescuing Betta fish recently, acquiring them from neglectful corporations (like Walmart) which treat them as disposable.

A realization that I’ve come to lately is that I’m not allowing myself to be a balanced person.  The desire to always be the giver and an aversion to being the receiver is just another power-play . . . another illusion of control.

I’m a tenacious soul, and giving up and surrendering to the greater will is something I struggle with.  So, today I’m going to be open to accepting help.  I’m going to practice ASKING for what I need, and being at peace with needing anything or anyone other than myself.