The Power of Normal
Posted in Uncategorized on 09/19/2009 12:36 pm by ladyleslieNormal. The norm. What everyone knows or thinks they know about the way things work. This is a very powerful paradigm.
Normal people in our society view birth as a medical event. If you don’t have an IV, what are you doing? You double over in pain, get scared, get in the car and drive to where the professionals can manage your very scary birth event. That’s normal. When you get there, you sign all sorts of things, and you don’t really know what you just consented to . . . That’s normal.
The doctors and nurses can then perform procedures upon your body and the body of your child because you signed those papers. Do they have to ask you at every step? Nah. You signed papers, and their medical expertise is what you’re there for anyways.
Normal is cars, jobs, play groups. Normal is women telling each other horror stories about how much birth hurt until they FINALLY got the epidural in. Normal is diapers until two years (and now maybe much longer). Normal is going to the doctor and TRUSTING him or her.
I’ve never been normal, have I?
I chose midwifery because I believed in my body’s ability to birth. I chose midwifery because I wanted a choice at every step. But that birth was not normal. It took WAY too long, laboring at home, transferred in for Pitocin. I didn’t really sign on for the hospital ride, but I got it anyways.
Now I’m pregnant again, and I’m making different choices. Searching out a midwife who can stay by my side in case of transfer. Seeking a midwife who can truly be “hands-off” and trying to be excited, instead of just determined.
How can I see birth in such a good light, believe so much in our bodies and the way we are built, and feel so little trust? The people I depended on last time let me down. How can I prepare for the next birth without tainting my preparations with paranoia?
How do I face a world that “knew better” than me, knew I’d “end up at the hospital anyway” and believes that birth is a medical event? How can I stand up to the bully called Normal?
I don’t have anything to prove. I just want to be left alone to do what I know I can. I want to just be pregnant and stop worrying about all of this crap. I just want to be sure that I can give myself the best chance at a physiologically healthy birth.
Any wise words for me?
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Please watch this video:
09/20/2009 at 11:26 am
Congratulations on your pregnancy! You can do it- picture it, speak encouragement into your mind and your baby….
I have had 2 amazing home births and expecting to have a 3rd in December….
My midwife with my second baby decided to plan a vacation for over my due date when I was 6 months pregnant!! I had a hard time finding another midwife to pour myself into and trust that they wouldn’t end up ditching me, too. But, I had to get rid of that so I could open up and let Birth with people I trusted be the focus, not my insecurities.
Blessings! (and congratulations again!)
09/25/2009 at 5:17 pm
I hate that bully called Normal. It can be very alienating to be anti-establishment and independent when the culture around you is so dependent on the establishment. I found it very comforting to surround myself by like-minded people while pregnant, and since there weren’t so many IRL, I blogged privately, and chatted with women on discussion forums. I learned to give selective information to people IRL. Possibly I was deceptive, certainly I was misleading. In an effort to protect me from the insinuations of irresponsibility, when in fact I was embracing responsibility in its scariest way. I became solely responsible for my decisions and whatever consequences of those came to be, without sharing the opportunity to blame some establishment. I’m being reminded of a blog post I wrote on this topic, I’ll link to it and maybe you’ll find it helpful:
http://descentintomotherhood.blogspot.com/search?q=why+I+UC